BLOGS - LAST PAGE

After reading the story in the News Files - Bullying victim awarded over $450,000 - I feel led to comment again. As one who attended that same schools and suffered similarly to what he did (some 30 years earlier by rough calculation), I can say that it is about time it was blown out into the public arena. In my time there (and I have reason to believe very little has changed) there would have been an average of 15 to 20 kids per year who were victims of this sickening form of abuse. Sure they have officially dealt with it, but all that has really meant is that it is harder to find. It is an ingrown culture of boarding schools that has plagued the western world for hundreds of years and isn't likely to be done away with by a few do gooders changing rules and regulations. It is the culture that must be changed.

Out of my year alone, there is one known suicide which has apparently been linked back to that abuse system within the school. That is a sad reflection on the system.

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

SON: 'Daddy, may I ask you a question?'

DAD: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the man.

SON: 'Daddy, how much do you make an hour?'

DAD: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the man said angrily.

SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?'

DAD: ' If you must know, I make $50 an hour.'

SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.

SON: 'Daddy, may I please borrow $25?'

The father was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don't work hard every day for such childish frivolities. '

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions.How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down , and started to think:

Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $25.00 and he really didn't ask for money very often The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.

'Are you asleep, son?' He asked.

'No daddy, I'm awake,' replied the boy.

'I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the man. 'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $25 you asked for.'

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you daddy!' he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.

The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.

The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

'Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the father grumbled..

'Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied.

'Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.'

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness

It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts.. Do remember to share that $50 worth of your time with someone you love.

If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of hours. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.

They NEED our voice!

But Jesus said, "Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven." Matt.19

I would love to share something that I hold dear to my heart..kids! :) Most of you know I love 'em! If it were possible I'd have all the kids in the world! I never wanna see 'em hurt, breaks my heart to hear "monsters" out & about preying on kids! Breaks my heart! I just don't understand why..to this day..all too confusing. They're innocent & should never be put in situations that'll hurt them or where they're hurting others b/c of what people have done to them! I'm mainly talking about child molestation. "Kills" me to think of it! I am a "survivor" of this! THANK YOU JESUS! If it weren't for our Father or many people HE has put in my life, I would've been torn down long ago! This "monster" who has done this to me has hurt me physically/emotionally/spiritually. I don't trust ALOT of people in any type of "relationship" whether it be "friendship", "significant others"..anyone..it's hard! BUT I'm glad our Father hasn't given up on me..All glory to GOD! \O/

Anyway..I just wanted to share this information w/people who have kids..that'll help prevent or stop molestation involving your kids or any kids you may know! I'll add my input from experience in too! The words in color are what I found from research..the rest is my own words!

Here are some FACTS...Child Molestation & Sexual Abuse Statistics..
The number of victims of childhood sexual abuse and molestation grows each year. This horrific crime is directly tied to the growth of pornography on the Internet. Studies conducted by the FBI have shown that pornography is extremely influential in the actions of sex offenders and serial murders. Further, statistics show that 90 percent of the predators who molest children have had some type of involvement with pornography. According to Charles Keating of Citizens for Decency Through Law, research reveals that *77% of child molesters of boys and *87% of child molesters of girls admitted imitating the sexual behavior they had seen in pornography they had watched. Roughly *33% of girls and *14% of boys are molested before the age of 18, according to the U.S. Justice Department. Nearly *2/3 of all sexual assaults reported involved minors and roughly *1/3 involved children under the age of *12. In most cases, however, child molestation goes unreported. Estimates are that only *35% of sexual abuse is reported. Kids can be frightened or embarrassed and many times do not say anything.

I KNOW that last sentence is very true! Some even think it's their fault for some reason..so sad!

Warning Signs of Child Molestation
Below are some of the most common signs of child molestation:

* Changes in behavior such as withdrawal, fearfulness, crying without provocation.
* Change in eating habits.
* Disrupted sleep patterns, fear of the dark or nightmares.
* Regression to more infantile behavior such as bedwetting, sucking their thumbs, or abnormal and excessive crying.
* Bruises, rashes, cuts, limping, or poorly explained injuries
* Vaginal or rectal bleeding, pain, itching, swollen genitals, vaginal discharge, or sexually transmitted diseases.
* Stained or torn underwear.
* Unusual interest in or knowledge of sexually related matters or expression of affection in ways inappropriate for a child of that age.
* Fear of a person or an intense dislike at being left somewhere or with someone (relatives, babysitters, etc)
* Other behavioral signals such as aggressive or disruptive behavior, running away, failing in school.
* If a child tells you that they have been sexually abused in any way, believe them. Children rarely lie about sexual abuse. 80% of all child molestation cases involve someone the child knows. Additionally, it's especially important to be supportive of the child. Children have an enormous fear that they are the one to blame in this situation and it's important that they realize it is not their fault. Alleviating this self-blame is extremely important..

The above warnings I find very TRUE as well..those signs are quoted from survivors. They KNOW. As I read them it took me back when that happened to me..oh how I THANK GOD I have overcome! :)))

Behaviors to Watch for When Adults Are With Children ..
Do you know an adult or older child who doesn't seem to understand what's acceptable when it comes to:
Personal Space..
* Makes others uncomfortable by ignoring social, emotional or physical boundariesi or limits?
* Refuses to let a child set any of his or her own limits? Uses teasing or belittling language to keep a child from setting a limit?
* Insists on hugging, touching, kissing, tickling, wrestling with or holding a child even when the child does not want this physical contact or attention?
* Frequently walks in on children/teens in the bathroom?
Relationships with children..
* Turns to a child for emotional or physical comfort by sharing personal or private information or activities, normally shared with adults?
* Insists on or manages to spend uninterrupted time alone with a child?
* Seems "too good to be true," i.e. frequently baby sits different children for free; takes children on special outings alone; buys children gifts or gives them money for no apparent reason?
* Allows children or teens to consistently get away with inappropriate behaviors?
Sexual conversation or behavior..
* Frequently points out sexual images or tells dirty or suggestive jokes with children present?
* Exposes a child to adult sexual interactions or images without apparent concern?
* Is overly interested in the sexuality of a particular child or teen (e.g., talks repeatedly about the child's developing body or interferes with normal teen dating)?

The part where it says "tickling", "holding" & "buying candy", I KNOW is what happens also...PLEASE watch for those signs!!

Keep Communication Open.
In order to protect your children, there needs to be open lines of communication between yourself and your kids, as well as within the extended family.

Most molesters are known to the child and the family. They are often family members or family friends."Family secrets put children at risk. Talk openly in your extended family about others' experiences as children. If someone in your family has been molested in the past, keep your children away from the person who did the molesting."

Many children are molested by the same people who molested their aunt, uncle, cousin or other relations b/c the abuse is never revealed. This is often b/c the victim feels that the family will not believe them or will reject them. If a family member tells you they have been molested, take it seriously. Let your family and your children know that you will always support them.

Most importantly, you need to talk to your children about abuse as soon as they are able to understand language. Make them aware that though most people are trustworthy, there are people out there who may want to harm them. Teach them about the proper names of their body parts and which are private. Tell your kids to "trust their instincts. If someone is making them uncomfortable, tell them they should talk to a trusted adult immediately. Let them know they should not be embarrassed to ask for help."

Though it is essential to teach your children about sexual abuse,"It is unfair to make children responsible for their own safety." This is why parents need to be aware and make every effort to see that children are safe and well supervised.

Recognize the Signs.
Unfortunately, despite our best efforts, sometimes children are abused. They may hide the abuse. They may be afraid to tell someone for fear of being judged or may be intimidated into silence by their abuser. This is why it is so important for parents to keep an eye out for warning signs.

"The most reliable indicator that a child is being abused is when the child acts out sexually. Sometimes, a child will show non-specific signs, such as depression or unusual anger," "Having said that, many times children will show no outward signs of abuse."

Since there are cases where there will be no signs, it is essential that your children know that they can talk to you about absolutely anything. Remind them of this often.

Healing in the Aftermath of Abuse
If your child tells you that they have been sexually abused in any way, listen and be supportive."The most important thing a parent can do when a child reports abuse is to believe and support the child. One of the conditions that is known to cause severe psychological problems in abuse survivors is when parents ignore the child's report of abuse. The worst thing a parent can do is say, 'You're lying' or 'I know he would never do such a thing'. "

Also, parents should stay calm and reassure their children. If parents react emotionally in front of the child, he or she will feel frightened and insecure. Let your child know that everything will be okay and you are going to keep him or her safe.

Once it has been established that a child has been abused, counseling should occur immediately. A child who does not deal with his or her abuse becomes an adult at risk for long-term problems such as posttraumatic stress disorder, depression, sexual dysfunction, problems with relationships & substance abuse.

"The good news is that psychotherapy can help. Abuse survivors can look forward to a happy, healthy life if they are willing to get into therapy and work hard at getting better,". "Psychotherapy with a counselor who has been specifically trained to deal with childhood trauma has been shown to be very effective at helping people overcome the effects of abuse." If you are a parent who was abused as a child, you are strongly urged to seek out psychotherapy. It will help you to heal as well as decrease the chances that your own children will be victimized.

I've never thought of having counseling but I'm sure it helps! All that above is all too real & is happening daily! These children & adults need our voice! Not only b/c GOD has instructed me to forgive..I needed to do it for myself..it was tearing me up! I didn't receive an apology from my molester. But I so thank I believe & tust in HIM! I know HE loves me & that's all that matters! :) This "monster" was someone extremely close, my parents trusted them w/their whole heart & to have this happen for many years tore my parents heart to find out the truth for after so long. Anyway..this would've been hard to write even a year ago but I know there are far too many children out there who need help & maybe..just maybe this blog will get to the right parents & they can stop somethin' from happening! That's my Prayer! ~God bless you ALL!

Flames of torment filled my thoughts. The break in my heart seemed greater than the grand cannon! I had been brutally assaulted and wounded by the actions and tongue of someone very close and dear to my heart. The pain was so severe that I ached within and without. I could not let go of the pain and laughter escaped me. My face could not even form the glimmer of a smile. My throbbing heart could not find peace. In my desperation I cried out to my Father saying, "I can't take this any longer! I can't even think, the agony of this fills my life night and day! I am in unbearable pain and I can't stop the hurt." Very gently I heard the voice of my Lord saying! "Don't think about it!" My response was, "DON'T THINK ABOUT IT?" "HOW DO I DO THAT?" (This issue was like Mount Everest looming before me and the top was no where in sight.) In His peace and serenity He ever so softly replied, "Think only on what I say!" I knew the only way to reach the green pastures of peace was to follow the Shepherd's instructions. I was His sheep, His lamb, and I had lost my way and He came to lead me back into the shelter of His wings. As I did what He said, that is replaced my thoughts with His, I found that the pain faded. And the love of my Lord for His flock and His peace once again filled my life. If you are in His flock, no matter what you are facing, following His instructions will always lead your heart to a glorious reunion of oneness with His. And in this place joy will fill your life and trouble can not win over the safety you have in His arms. God does not trust my care to anyone but Himself. Therefore, I trust Him to bring the abundance of His very best into my life.

See Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy? meditate on these things.

It was late at night I was home alone waiting for my dad and mom to come home. When they did I went to bed they went to bed as the hours past I heard my door creak open I looked at the door hoping it wasn't gonna happen another night but I guess I was wrong. He crawled into bed with me and started mumbling "Oh Stephanie I love you very much you mean everything to me your the reason I live" as he kisses my lips softly "daddy no don't please please no more" as I say when he is kissing up my body.
"SHHHH Stephanie mommy will hear you don't want that now do you?"
I close my eyes as he starts to take my shirt offf and undo my bra straps my eyes fill with tears as my tears go down my cheeks daddy starts to grasp me he starts rubbing my thighs and unzipping my pants he slowly pulls them down "DADDY please no please daddy stop please.." I weep those words out of my mouth "Honey it's fine just be quiet mommy will hear you and the neighbors" He slowly slides his fingers into my vag and goes in and out as I lay there and moaning and crying praying he will stop this and I will wake up this will all be a nightmare. He crawls up my body and slowly enters me and goes in and out. He gets up looks at me and says "Oh honey your the best daughter I could EVER have I love you Stephy" I lay there crying and in pain. The next day daddy came home drunk and high as possible I was sitting there with mommy in the kitchen he looks at us both and mommy stares at him and asks him "Patrick where has Stephanie been getting these bruises why is it I take her to the doctor and they find she has been raped and molested!!! HOW COULD YOU!!!!!"  Daddy looks at me then mommy "Stephy and Donna I am so sorry you should have never said anything Stephy honey" he brings out a gun "DADDDY NOOOOO!!!!" as I say it he shoots mommy. He grabs me and takes me to the bedroom ducktapes my mouth hands and feet then carries me to the car puts me in the backseat and he drives to a big field.
He untapes my mouth and feet and hands and starts taking my clothes off I try and fight back but he is too strong for me. he touches and enters me as I am balling and screaming he pulls out the gun "You should have never said anything Stephy!!!!"  He puts the gun to my head and before he shoots my last words "No please no please daddy NO.. I won't,...."

Jesus came to rescue you from the power and pollutions of sin. To give you a future and a confident expectation that what He promises not only can He do but will surely do. If you believe He will. Not so life will be a bed of proverbial roses for you. But because you have given Him your life that He may give you His LIFE for the purpose of becoming like Him. So that you can become a fully functioning productive member of His family with the power and authority to carry out the business of His kingdom here and now and later in the world to come. You have been seated with Jesus who has set down at the right hand of the Father, joint heirs with Him in love, power and authority. God's word cannot fail. That is impossible. But you can fail to practice it (live it) as He does. This is what He is asking us to do. To live it out, to be a doer of what it says. JUST AS HE IS. And it is possible because He has given you a new spirit capable of being one with His Spirit by which He empowers you to do all of His will. If you are in Christ you are a new creation living an eternal existents beginning at your acceptance of Christ as Lord. An existent where with unyielding positive desire you can trust God and have His promises become realities in your life. To love God is to love the truth of His word. You cannot love God apart from loving His word. And you can't love His word with out believing it unto the application of it to your life. Mere sweet words expressing love and acceptance of God's will, while running frantically after the words that proceed out of the mouth of the enemy is a lukewarm and nauseating rebellion against all that God is and does. See Revelation 3:16. We cannot rule over all the power of the enemy and at the same time buddy up and participate in the destructive and evil practices of his soon to end kingdom! Believe God who says "Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom!" Luke 12:32. And Jesus said to them, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in Me shall never thirst. John 6:35. Feast on His word and be filled with His life! Walk out on the water of His word you will surely not drown. You will stay afloat in the most intense and ferocious storms of life. FEAR NOT HE IS HOLDING YOUR HAND. ISAIAH 42:6, 41:13; Psalm 139:9. Copyright © Sylvia F. Liani 2009